This is a post I started writing almost 5 years ago. Haven’t been able to simply delete it, so I’ve updated and added some details.
© Cathy Thorne, Everyday People Cartoons.
Before giving birth to our first daughter, I had to deal with some rather horrifying birth stories. Surprisingly, it wasn’t necessarily family or friends who wanted to share their story, but sometimes strangers or people I hardly knew.
I’m not joking. I actually had someone who I had only met a half hour before go into great detail about the birth of her son and how traumatic it was (I still get anxious if I even think about the details)… Oh and this was just after she told me that I looked much bigger than someone who was 16 weeks pregnant.
What is it with some moms that feel the need to terrify soon-to-be moms?
The second time around, I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of awful stories I was told during that pregnancy. I suspect the fact that I was an experienced old lady had an impact, as well as the fact that my first labour and delivery was fairly textbook and unexciting.
But that’s not always the case for everyone. And it’s true that sometimes we just want to be heard… but maybe wait until a baby has arrived before bombarding a mom-to-be? Hormones are crazy and imaginations can run wild.
Heck, during my first pregnancy, I kept having nightmares about family members dying by various means. Poor Matt was dream-killed a few times times. Oddly enough, only male family members were getting picked off. Weird. Towards the end of that pregnancy I did manage to “save” my brother when I realized what was happening and I wanted the nightmare to end before it went any further.
Both of my birthing experiences went very well and I’m more than happy to talk about it if someone wants to hear about either epic tale. But if you don’t wasn’t to hear the nitty gritty details, that’s okay too!
If you’ve had a similar experience during a pregnancy (and it’s possible for dads to hear stories too), how did you deal with it? Or do you have that one story you can’t shake?
Od love to hear her birth story :_
We’ll have to have a nice long phone chat Terri. :)
I actually had a friend, that gave birth after I did, who was a little pissed that I didn’t tell her all the gritty details. She said she would have felt more prepared. I hadn’t wanted to scare her with details that might not end up being a part of her birthing experience. Everyone is different I guess.
Sherri you make a great point! I more so trying to express the point that it should be up to the person who’s having a baby whether or not people bombard her with information, experiences and horror stories.
I did actively talk to some family members and not all of them had experiences full of sunshine and roses. I think it’s more that I’ve had people I hardly know traumatize me with stories I never did ask to hear.
Personally, the biggest thing for me before going into labour was to remind myself that you have to be ready for the unexpected. It’s nice to have a birthing plan or birthing requests, but in the end you may have to just “roll with it” and have confidence in yourself. Us mamma’s are tough cookies. Often tougher than we realize!
Well written and very much on point. My Mother even did that inadvertanly. She was working in obstetrics at the time and came home with memorable highlights of her day. Births that go well were not that memorable. She realised what she was doing fairly quickly and stopped. Got lots of nice birth stories afterward.